My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
