I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
