I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
