you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
