He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
