No awkward lesbian experiences without me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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