Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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