What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
