Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.