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im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
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