My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
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They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.