she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dating After Heartbreak
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐