I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that