he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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