I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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