I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
