Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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