I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
