grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
