ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
