dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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