I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
