taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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