i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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