i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
