You really coming over, don't trick.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
