Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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