put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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