College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just blew my weed a kiss
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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