So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
