it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
