her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the day after is always just damage control
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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