Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
God I need to hump something, right now.
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