Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
