I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
