UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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