I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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