my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
