my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
