I got chris browned last night
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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