I wish my penis had an off switch
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
