Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
