do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn