The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.