We won't sleep together?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
