I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
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Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.