Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
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OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?