There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
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He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
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Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.