whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?