hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
