I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize