Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
