According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
