my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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