"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
