so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
