walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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