She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
