lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
