It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
