three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
