When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
