The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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