that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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