im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize