i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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