I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
