I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
