he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
