Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
