youre lurking in front of me
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
