i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
