I'm sorry my penis didn't work
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
