I bet he comes in French.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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