I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
