told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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