My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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