Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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