I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
