i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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