i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
