He is such a slut. More and more my type.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
