I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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